4 days of little/no voice, this is the quietest I have been, like EVER

Most of you who know me, know that I can ramble for Britain. Sober, hyper, calm, dizzy, ditzy, tipsy, drunk, mad or whichever, I can talk. Most of the time it either makes perfect sense or no sense at all. But this is shocking to most of my friends, that I haven’t even been out since last Friday, I haven’t smoked, I haven’t drunk anything apart from squash, not even tea (dear God there is something definitely wrong here), I detest the smell of wine too (WTF IS GOING ON?!) and haven’t left my house since Sunday, to sneak to the shop, to get pasta, that I ended up throwing out anyway, but that technically doesn’t count being 2 minutes from my house, oh whatever.

Since a bad migraine on Saturday, a rather off feeling on Sunday and now no voice, swollen glands, a puffy face and no energy to move, I can’t talk, I have literally been the quietest I HAVE BEEN, LIKE EVER. My mum, for starters, is astounded. She’s the type of person who hears me talking on the phone, puts it to one side, whilst I chit chat away and she gets on with her life, then when she’s had enough, doesn’t even bother to say goodbye, then hangs up. A trait, I’ve noticed with all my family members. Maybe it’s because of me, or maybe they’re all just too busy in their lives to hear what’s going on.

Anyway, what’s the magic cure to get my voice back? I would like to get it back to a sound that is normal, my normal sounding voice, not like that bloke from that God-awful movie John Cleese and Rowan Atkinson was in, Rat Race, or whatever. You know the bloke, Vince Vieluf‘s character who has the very unpleasant infection to go with the tongue piercing he gets…

The piercing bit on his tongue, not the other piercings they all have.

Anyway, my face shape has changed, gone is the normal, I look half decent, now I just look puffy. Like bloated puffy. It’s not even a nice look. My housemates tell me, I look fine, I don’t feel fine. I feel horrible. I feel sore, painful, achy, puffy, swollen and just nasty. If I could sound a little more awesome than this, that would be great.

My bedroom is now my haven of all things ill-related. The curtains are drawn, I don’t even want to embrace the beauty that is the sun, because I can’t enjoy it, so why be part of it? That’s my dumb philosophy anyway.

So, here’s hoping before the bank holiday weekend comes, before my friend Rho has her baby and before the end of the week (come on – only a day to go), I get some part of my voice part, I turn back to normal and this, whatever this is, can fuck off forever and ever and ever and ever and EVER.

The end.



Late night rant: This weather

So, I haven’t ranted in a while, I apologise, I’ve been busy, trying to scale mountains and shit (not literally) but in a professional sense of the term, yeah, kinda. So I haven’t really had the time to sit here and puke up the words to rant on here, for a while, something I’m sure most of you are surely grateful for. But, after spending most of today working my ass off, I sat down, had some dinner and thought, I haven’t blogged for a while, let’s write up some stuff and see what comes out. Earlier was a happier post, a much needed joy-fest of writing about my love for my iPhone and I do love you my iPhone, mwah mwah mwah. I won’t be ranting about you my little silver bundle of joy.

What I will be ranting about is the weather. All Londoners, actually Britons will know the frustration that is this fucking weather. Is this fun to Mother Nature to piss (literally) on our parade when we’re really getting into the sunshine spirit?

For 3 days this week the weather was actually kinda awesome, with yesterday being fucking cool, not cool as in ice cool but fucking awesome cool. Hot, delicious glorious weather, sunning me whilst I sat outside in the garden, doing emails, for work, with a cold iced soda, lapping up the sun to try and give me that most desperately needed sun kissed glow just about everyone else in the world is loving, yet we’re being deprived of.

Then today happened. I mean, what was it? Look you can have fun, but we’re actually gonna take it away with you because you Britons deserve crap for moaning about the weather, so that sun was a bit of a tease and now here’s some rain. Fuck you. Total bullshit.

Why? What have we done to actually gain more rain and depression and puddles and shit? What? Can we not just have our summer now please? BBQ’s, picnics, shorts, tops, sunglasses, anything that is far more fun than this cold depression in MAY, MAY.

Google and my iPhone says it’s going to be sunny tomorrow, you better be. I don’t need to spend another day in twenty jumpers, a hat, thick socks and a dressing gown to prove a point to my housemates we don’t need the heating on this month.


My phone is like a limb, it’s part of who I am.

My smartphone could be passed off as my other half, if you want, or like  a limb. I’m addicted to his presence and without him, I’m sodding useless. He’s the first thing I turn to in the morning to check the time or turn off my alarm and the last thing to see at night.  That’s pretty sad isn’t it? But, in this day and age, it seems like I’m not alone. Unless you count half my family, my younger sister, one or two cousins and a few of my friends, who I’m pretty sure they think their mobile devices are just some decorative piece of art, flung to the side in all it’s glory, of glass, weird things called apps and noise.
I don’t have a boyfriend, so it’s safe to say, this is really my one true hubba hubba, all time love right here. I love my laptop, I love my office, I love my business, obviously I love my family and friends, but without my communication device that is my phone, I would be hard to reach.
When did my love affair with the magical phone begin?
I’m  not really sure when our true love first started. My first ever mobile phone was a brick. My uncle took me to the Phones4U store in Hounslow with my very much saved up £180 to buy a Philips Orange Savvy, a blue brick that looked more like a house phone than something you would actually be seen dead with in public. It didn’t really do much, I mean, look at the picture below, it hardly jumps out to you, as fuck yeah, I would totally use this in a public place, but I thought I was so cool, I mean that was 14 years ago, so do excuse me for my stupidness.
It was announced to the world by Philips in 1999. It had Monophonic ringtones, weighed 135 g, the battery lasted a blooming lifetime (in comparison to my stupid iPhone – damn you Apple), you could call 8 different numbers by clicking one button, sending a picture message was almost guaranteed to eat up all your PAYG credit and fellow savvy users could be in on the coolness that was the picture icons – you snoozed and lost if you didn’t have access to this bad boy. This phone really was invincible. I thought I was some sort of cool kid with this phone popping out of my pocket (it was a little on the large side to stay hidden) and to this day, it still sits in a box at home, with part of me hoping that an antiques phone dealer will see it and turn me into a multi-millionaire. What? It happened to Del and Rodney.
Throughout the years, I’ve had dozens of different phones, whether on PAYG or contract. Some I have loved, others, I have wanted to murder, with a pure hatred for their very existence. Phones from the very beginning of when LG thought it was a great idea to create a phone that had the same battery strength to one of their fridge freezers, or a Motorola Razr, because it had that flippy screen thing (think I have that somewhere too aswell – God I’m gonna be rich!), before moving onto the Blackberry. Ah, the Blackberry. A good curvalicious lover of mine. A whole shimmy sahroo of pretty business stuff, that just rocked the email world. God how I missed you, till it all went pear-shaped.
Roll on a good 4 years later and I’m here with my lover. My sweet lovely jubbly iPhone. After a terrible relationship with my ex- iPhone 4s, my iPhone 5s, is like a hunk. All touch sensitive and ready to rumble across colour, screen, camera, social, everything, even with the little emoticons. He lasts longer, which is brilliant, in comparison to the ex-phone. Even with all my social channels, apps and that, this iPhone is a winner.
So yes, I have a great relationship with my phone. He’s pretty awesome and super fab. I think I’ve charged him once today and he’s just so damn cool with chilling out and doing what he’s supposed to be doing. Calling, texting, playing music, being active in social, notifying me when he should and just being fucking great.
So when people say, why do I spend my time looking longingly at my phone, here are my top reasons for loving my iPhone:
  1. If, like me, popping in your password when someone is standing at all close to you, gives you the shivers (they are looking for a reason – I know which ones of my mates know my password – not pointing fingers, you know who you are), I hate putting in passwords on majority of things, so a 4 numbered pin to add to the billions of numbers and passwords stored in my brain, the enterprise friendly-fingerprint sensor is AMAZING! Without my fingerprint, no one can get into my phone.
  2. Lights, camera, action – those who know me and my penchant for selfie pout time, will know I love to take a picture and either share it on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or just take a million of them, because why the fuck not, the new-improved lighting feature is great for indoor and outdoor lighting and really highlights all of my face when capturing the much needed selfie, for everyone or no one to see.
  3. It’s lighter – sometimes it’s so light, I forget it’s in my pocket. Which can be disaster zone, when I get home and take my jeans off and fling them across the room, narrowing missing the laundry basket and it smacking off the TV, but thankfully it’s little teal case protects it’s body from such disasters.
  4. It’s great for social and email integration – it actually allows me to have this super non-complicated love affair with my social channels and it just works, I don’t know how it does it, but it does.
  5. I can’t live without it – in this day and age, it seems everyone has some form of technology stuck to their hip and in my case, it’s my phone.

I’ve only had the iPhone 5s, for 4 months and love it. Will have to see where this love affair will end up next.

I salute you awesome phone.



Insomnia sucks ass

Anyone who has a normal routine of the 9-5 working day or knows to turn off technology when they can, wouldn’t know the pain in the ass sleeping disorder that is insomnia. I’ve had it over the past 3 weeks and can honestly say it can fucking do one.

When I was a kid, my mum thought there was something wrong with me because I slept so much. Up to about 3 months ago I slept like a baby. Having 8 hours a night wasn’t unusual for me. I liked to get into my bed, read the daily mail app and fall asleep into a deep slumber, dreaming of anything and everything, magical and fun dreams or nothing, it didn’t matter, I woke up in the morning happy about the day ahead.

But since I’ve started running my own business, sleeping has stuck 2 fingers up to me and gone on holiday. Don’t get me wrong, I love love love doing what I do and wouldn’t trade it for the world, my sleeping pattern has slowly but surely deteriorated. I’ve gone from the standard 8 hours sleep to barely 1 a night – if that. I know what my problem is, I work both UK hours and work with a client who happens to be based in NYC and I’m a fecker with technology – never knowing when to actually turn it off and throw it under the bed, on silent, no where near me, but I’m addicted to my phone.

I lay here, staring at the ceiling, thinking, over thinking about the most random shit, ticking shit off my to-do list etc. No matter how tired I am during the day, even 5 hours ago I was feeling mega sleepy but as soon as I got into bed, my brain’s alarm clock snapped into gear and I thought, I might as well do emails because there’s no chance I’ll be sleeping tonight.
The funny thing is, I went to my doctor as a few friends mentioned I’ve not been myself, pushing myself at work a little too hard, losing weight and not eating properly or sleeping and she said “Danielle, I’m writing you a sick note and you need to take a few days off work for the next 7 days.” Erm, ok, that doesn’t make sod all sense, I RUN MY OWN BUSINESS, who the fuck is going to do the work?



I hope this has just been a few weeks of me not used to my new timetable, but at this point, at 4 nearing 5 in the morning, I don’t think I will get out of it, unless checked into some sleep clinic or given the strongest sleeping tablets possible. Kalms don’t work, whoever invented those for people to try and relax before sleeping, need a slap, herbal teas taste fowl, hot milk or hot chocolate make me feel sick a few hours later and building a bed fort with a teddy for extra measure does nothing either.
Maybe I my anxiety is playing up way more that normal and that’s the reason for my incapability to drift off or the fear about something happening that I’m yet to be aware of.
My mum says it’s better to read a book or paper before bed, but I find reading those addictive. If I read a really good book, I can get so involved with it, I will want to read it to the very end.
Sometimes I like the idea of having a TV show, movie or program from on demand or iPlayer on so I have something in the background as a comfort. It’s weird. I love my peace and quiet but sometimes having some noise in the background makes me feel safe.
I think tomorrow I may go to the doctor’s to get some sleeping pills but would be keen to hear other people’s suggestions on how to try and get some sleep. I don’t want to intentionally make myself sick but I know working too much and sleeping little/none doesn’t help and this could do more harm than good the way I’m going at the moment.
Any suggestions, would be much appreciated. x

Call me a grumpy old twenty something, but I’m not doing the ice bucket challenge

Well done to those who have taken part in the Ice Bucket Challenge.  To the hundreds of celebrities and people who have raised awareness for charities across the world. To be honest I didn’t even know what ALS (Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) was before, I mean I heard about it, but I didn’t understand what it meant fully.

What is ALS? 

Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), often referred to as “Lou Gehrig’s Disease,” is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord. Motor neurons reach from the brain to the spinal cord and from the spinal cord to the muscles throughout the body. The progressive degeneration of the motor neurons in ALS eventually leads to their death. When the motor neurons die, the ability of the brain to initiate and control muscle movement is lost. With voluntary muscle action progressively affected, patients in the later stages of the disease may become totally paralyzed.

Why am I not doing the ice bucket challenge?

Call me an old git, but I refuse to do it. At first  the whole point about the ALS ice bucket challenge was about raising awareness but now it seems to be people pouring buckets of water on their heads for a laugh and that’s just not cool. Yeah I’m a spoilsport, an inconsiderate individual that has no sense of fun, who has no idea how incredible this movement is because “did you know Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Jamie Dornan and even Victoria Posh Spice Beckham took part, so why aren’t you?’

I’m not doing it for the following reasons:

Peer pressure 

I’m all for people raising awareness through whatever campaigns, go wild with that but I don’t think people should make you feel guilty about if you do or don’t take part. Everyone helps donating and raising awareness their own ways and nominating people to pour a bucket of water over their heads when it’s seriously fucking cold outside or outing them on whichever social media channel is a bit pathetic. If someone wants to raise money, they shouldn’t be told how much they should donate and shouldn’t feel like they have to take part in this challenge.

Charity can happen in many different ways – why does it have to be through ice and water? 

Anyone can choose to donate to a chosen charity how they want to, whether that is through spending time with those youngsters who patrol our high streets at the weekend and donating a fiver per month, running in a silly costume in a race, spending time with your elderly neighbour who has no one to spend their evenings with – why should we be made to choose who we donate to? The time I would have wasted a bucket for of water over my head (I should just stand under the rain and get soaked for an hour willingly for a laugh – natural and I didn’t waste any water – oooh a plan!) I think anyone who wants to donate should be able to do so, through any method they want to and have the choice of who they want to donate to.

The whole point is not to see how many people ‘like’ your video

Thanks to the likes of the God-awful Kardashian clan, it’s all about self promotion these days – ‘oh look at my butt in these super tight jeans’ – this challenge shouldn’t be to see how many “likes” you can get, it should be to raise awareness. Out of the 300 friends on my Facebook, probably the 25 out of the 50 people who have done it, have actually donated. Shame on the rest who thinks it’s now just seen as a fun past-time.

You won’t catch me in a bikini top flaunting my curves in this weather

If you’re English, you’ll get me on this one, it’s personally too friggin cold to stand outside in my teeny ting shorts and bikini top showcasing my figure that should only be available to blind people on the beach, whilst I pour water over myself. Let’s just save that image from all your minds and watch people who are stupid do it this way:

My donation, my choice

Personally my donation is going to two charities. I couldn’t choose 1 in particular because, well, I feel strongly about 1 and now understanding the full ins and outs about ALS or MND, I am donating to this charity as well.

Cancer Research UK

No other charity anywhere in the world is doing more to beat cancer than we are. We’re the only one fighting over 200 cancers, including the one that matters most to you, and here in the UK we’re the single largest funder of cancer research. All this is only possible with our generous supporters and hard-working scientists.

Cancer Research UK has been working on pioneering life-saving research for over a century. These pages tell the story of our groundbreaking achievements and the real progress we’re making in preventing, diagnosing and treating cancer.

The Motor Neurone Disease Association 

Motor neurone disease is a rare condition that affects around 2 in every 100,000 people each year in the UK. There are about 5,000 people living with the condition in the UK at any one time.

Most cases first develop in people in their early 60s, but people as young as 18 and as old as their 90s can also develop the disease. Motor neurone disease affects slightly more men than women.

In 5% of cases, the person has a family history of motor neurone disease or the related condition frontotemporal dementia. This is known as familial motor neurone disease, and relatives of the person may be at an increased risk of developing the disease in later life.

Thanks to the ALS challenge, I now understand the full meaning of MND and the difficulty people face on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis.  Both these charities have done a significant amount to raise awareness and my donation will hopefully make a difference, even though it’s small.

Final note

I hope that anyone who chooses to continue to take part in this ‘challenge’ actually continues to raise awareness for the charities they have hopefully donated to. Anyone that wants to donate should donate to a charity that they relate to and you should choose how you want to donate. Your difference makes a change, however big or small.

Neknominate: Stop the craze, save a life, grow up.

Alcohol awareness charity DrinkAware has called on parents to take the lead against extreme and dangerous drinking challenges like Neknominate on social media channels. Since this craze has gone ‘viral,’ three young people have died taking part in the challenge. The apparent ‘craze’ involves participants, young, old and stupid encourage each other to film themselves consuming large amounts of alcohol in one go, nominating someone else to continue the game, wherever in the world, via video on social channels including Facebook, Twitter and YouTube.

I’ll be honest, I do like a few glasses of wine in the evening after a long day, or meeting my best mate at the pub for a jolly old knees up, but this happens over a long period of time. Ok, probably the amount of alcohol units consumed would be enough to give most doctors a heart attack, but with food and being sensible with my alcohol consumption, I am being careful.
This Neknominate crap, was mentioned in my local the other day, with some daft twits nominating each other to neck a pint of lager, whilst filming themselves and posting it to Facebook. Over the course of a week, the nominations bounced back and forth between the 8 that took part and it seems their *crazy viral idea* has fallen off the face of the earth.
This online chain letter thrown in with childish games seems to be the talk on everyone’s lips in the press recently. It is believed to have started in Perth, Australia. The trend swept across the country, faster than you can say Jack Robinson and everyone from teenagers to fully grown men are getting in on this stupid craze. The friggin craze has its own Wikipedia page for Fuck’s sake. Some people are saying it’s the craze to get involved with, whilst others are trying  to stop it and campaign for young people’s safety.
Those who are getting involved with the campaign to stop it includes a horrified mother who went public with a picture of her unconscious son who was covered in his own vomit, in a bit to spread awareness. Nikki Hunter found her son passed out on the sofa, after a night out with mates, drinking three bottles of spirits. Her 19 year old student son, had accepted a dare to film himself downing a horrendous, unbelievable deadly mix of vodka, whisky, Southern Comfort, Barcadi and Sherry, BARF.
After the twat worried his mother into position thinking he was unconscious or dying, she put him in the recovery position and took a picture to warn others of the dangers of Neknominate.
I hate being there when people are sick, damn I hate when I’m sick, it’s disgusting, makes you feel totally gross and generally shit, so having a photo catapulted across newspapers and social media channels should be a lesson to 19 year old Kieran and all the others out there.
Some of the dares are just unimaginable. Girls dressed in their underwear parading round the local supermarket, drinking live goldfish (yes you read that right), eating and drinking the contents of a fridge, riding into a store on a horse, or running up a motorway semi-naked drinking huge quantities of alcohol, for the fun of it.
Everyone who drinks, likes a tipple. Whether your drink of choice is wine, like me, a cold beer, a perfectly poured Guinness or something a little stronger like a good spirit. Christ, I’m not judging you, everyone has their own little pick-me-ups but this type of game is really stupid. This game is letting children and young people believe it is acceptable in our society to do this. It’s not. Drinking is dangerous if not done carefully. I’ve been an idiot in the past, at 21 drinking my body weight in vodka & red bull, because at £2.50 a pint, I didn’t see the wrong in it – until the next morning when I felt like I was having a heart attack. The truth is, you have to know your limits.
This game is sick, it’s encouraging too young people to get involved, exploiting kids of all ages, promoting something that really isn’t or shouldn’t be promoted and harming those around them, including animals, which is completely fucked up.
The Daily Mirror reported a few weeks ago that the RSPCA has got involved to stop animal cruelty.

The RSPCA is launching animal cruelty investigations into pranksters who film themselves downing goldfish as part of a bizarre drinking game.

The animal welfare charity has received numerous complaints of footage being posted online of people drinking alcohol with fish in the glass.

The incidents appear to be part of new craze called NekNominate, involving people filming themselves “necking’ alcohol, then nominating a friend to do the same – and challenging each other on to do more extreme and outlandish feats.

In one clip posted on Facebook, a thug dressed in pants and a bow tie, proudly drinks THREE goldfish in a glass with cider, eggs, battery fluid and urine.

RSPCA wildlife scientist Nicola White said: “We are extremely concerned about this shocking new trend. We have had quite a few similar cases reported to us in a very short space of time – but this could be just the tip of the iceberg as there’s probably many more we have not been told about.

“Eating a live animal and posting of a film of it on the internet is not some light-hearted joke – it is unacceptable. It sends out a clear message that animal cruelty is OK as long as it is in the guise of entertainment.

“We urge people not to take part in this horrible craze and to report to us anyone who is taking part.”

 If you’re really that desperate to get noticed, to make new friends, or whatever it is you think will make you more popular, take a leaf out of these guys books, and grow the fuck up.

If you want to be noticed for doing something a little different, give up your Neknomination and trade it in for a RAKnomination, also known as Random Acts of Kindness.  Not sure what that is? Google it.

Yet another rant about Travel in London

I apologise to everyone who reads my posts and quite possibly, think ‘Oh Dannii, just shut the f*ck up,’ but, if like me you live in West London and get a train that normally shoots its way to Reading & Windsor or to London Waterloo, you’ll understand my frustration. Two weeks on from the TFL tube strikes and since the flooding has got worse, my commute to work has been a total pain in the backside.

I live in Twickenham,  just 10 miles (16 km) southwest of the centre of London, home of England rugby, lush little eateries, boutique shops and a 10 minute walk to Marble Hill house by the river or 15 minutes walk to Richmond Deer park. Us Twickers have been lucky enough not to experience the awful events that have occurred in recent weeks with this horrendous weather that has terrorised our neighbouring towns but the effects can be seen throughout our commutes. Friends, colleagues and fellow passengers have all seen the effects, some way or another getting to and from work, from all parts of the country, so this little rant, doesn’t just put us South Westies on the map.

Last week, I was late if not by 1 minute, definitely more than 15 on a few occasions. Trains were packed, squashing even the likes of local MP, Vince Cable on the train, like tinned sardines, all desperate to get to work on time for the week ahead. Yesterday, however, not so much as to a squashed sardine. Cancellations, delays and what not have caused a little fury bouncing off a few fellow commuters.


image (1)It’s sad news that even with the weather possibly clearing up that everyone who has been affected by the horror that is the floods, that it all wont be sorted for quite a few months but delays, delays, delays on all the trains. Really? Unless the weather is swishing around the station, do we really need to have to wait 27 minutes for a delayed or cancelled train? Where does it say that everyone has to turn into a ninny, as soon as a little trickle of delays are floated about?

Mind seriously does boggle, when this shit happens. Some people are just twats.