Anyone who has a normal routine of the 9-5 working day or knows to turn off technology when they can, wouldn’t know the pain in the ass sleeping disorder that is insomnia. I’ve had it over the past 3 weeks and can honestly say it can fucking do one.
When I was a kid, my mum thought there was something wrong with me because I slept so much. Up to about 3 months ago I slept like a baby. Having 8 hours a night wasn’t unusual for me. I liked to get into my bed, read the daily mail app and fall asleep into a deep slumber, dreaming of anything and everything, magical and fun dreams or nothing, it didn’t matter, I woke up in the morning happy about the day ahead.
But since I’ve started running my own business, sleeping has stuck 2 fingers up to me and gone on holiday. Don’t get me wrong, I love love love doing what I do and wouldn’t trade it for the world, my sleeping pattern has slowly but surely deteriorated. I’ve gone from the standard 8 hours sleep to barely 1 a night – if that. I know what my problem is, I work both UK hours and work with a client who happens to be based in NYC and I’m a fecker with technology – never knowing when to actually turn it off and throw it under the bed, on silent, no where near me, but I’m addicted to my phone.
I lay here, staring at the ceiling, thinking, over thinking about the most random shit, ticking shit off my to-do list etc. No matter how tired I am during the day, even 5 hours ago I was feeling mega sleepy but as soon as I got into bed, my brain’s alarm clock snapped into gear and I thought, I might as well do emails because there’s no chance I’ll be sleeping tonight.
The funny thing is, I went to my doctor as a few friends mentioned I’ve not been myself, pushing myself at work a little too hard, losing weight and not eating properly or sleeping and she said “Danielle, I’m writing you a sick note and you need to take a few days off work for the next 7 days.” Erm, ok, that doesn’t make sod all sense, I RUN MY OWN BUSINESS, who the fuck is going to do the work?
I hope this has just been a few weeks of me not used to my new timetable, but at this point, at 4 nearing 5 in the morning, I don’t think I will get out of it, unless checked into some sleep clinic or given the strongest sleeping tablets possible. Kalms don’t work, whoever invented those for people to try and relax before sleeping, need a slap, herbal teas taste fowl, hot milk or hot chocolate make me feel sick a few hours later and building a bed fort with a teddy for extra measure does nothing either.
Maybe I my anxiety is playing up way more that normal and that’s the reason for my incapability to drift off or the fear about something happening that I’m yet to be aware of.
My mum says it’s better to read a book or paper before bed, but I find reading those addictive. If I read a really good book, I can get so involved with it, I will want to read it to the very end.
Sometimes I like the idea of having a TV show, movie or program from on demand or iPlayer on so I have something in the background as a comfort. It’s weird. I love my peace and quiet but sometimes having some noise in the background makes me feel safe.
I think tomorrow I may go to the doctor’s to get some sleeping pills but would be keen to hear other people’s suggestions on how to try and get some sleep. I don’t want to intentionally make myself sick but I know working too much and sleeping little/none doesn’t help and this could do more harm than good the way I’m going at the moment.
Any suggestions, would be much appreciated. x